Tuesday, January 29, 2008

It's just another day in the neighborhood, another day....

Just sitting here thinking about what to write, and all of a sudden I was thinking of Fred Rogers, not really quite sure why, and probably don't really want to know. A couple friends told me they were looking for my next blog, so I am trying to oblige...

It's been almost ten days since my last blog, so trying to remember what has happened in that time. The Giants of course are on their way to the superbowl with the Patriots. The cowboy fans in the house are now planning to root for the Patriots. Not me, I just can't join that Tom Brady bandwagon. Something about the whole abandoning a pregnant girlfriend thing and being a schmuck. So when Sunday arrives, I'll be in my recliner cheering on the Giants. I am a New Yorker after all.

Youngest son is still trying to drive me straight to the funny farm. He has gotten detention probably 9 of the past 12 school days. It is still "never his fault." It's a conspiracy. He was only asking a question. He was only trying to twirl his erasers, he really wasn't trying to hit the girl in the back of her head. He makes my brain numb, because I just don't get it. How can anyone enjoy public scolding on a daily basis and then come home to a livid mom who wants to beat you?

It was a bad week for one of my friends and I felt so bad for her, I wanted to search out the piece of scum who hurt her and destroy him. Why is it always the really nice people that get hurt? The ones who so quickly open their hearts and help others, who truly know how to love people, they are the ones that the evildoers just wreck and destroy. This girl, it just kills me, I have watched her for about four to five years now, she is such a beautiful girl, in site, in personality, and in her heart. She is the type who would do anything for anyone in need. If she were on her way to the ball, but if on her way, she came across a poor unfortunate soul who needed a ride, or food, or someone to make a phone call for them, anything, she would drop her plans and do for them. When I think about all of the times I have had bad attitudes, and done negative stuff, or lost my temper, it just makes me feel so very humbled when I think of how she is. She is truly, genuinely one of the kindest souls God has ever put on this earth. Unfortunately, I don't know how find the cretin who hurt her. I feel like calling my friend Jackie in New Orleans, and having her put that "potion" on him. If I had his picture, Jackie would show me how to put it in the hollow of the tree, and make the wind blow him away, forever. I better make sure my friend doesnt' have any underwear planted in her front yard. Since I am a Christian, I have to turn to God for help and I hope and pray the Lord deals with him, in just the right way.

The other highlight of my week was going to a "women's get together" with some friends. It was supposed to be to just get out of the house, have some laughs, and spend time with other women. Hey if you don't have a guy to spend time with, women with a sense of humor are the next best thing, or so I thought. I offer to drive the one friend to the hosts house. We get there, absolutely stunning house. I look around, and its about 20-25 really young women, 20ish. It's a catalog party, but what I didn't really understand, its a sex toy catalog party. Sooooooooooooo the last place I would have wanted to be on earth, was at this type of party, especially with a bunch of skinny, snotty little 20 year olds. The sales lady, (and I feel very generous using the word lady), had a table of products. They had gels and lotions and during the party, she had several of the girls go into the bathroom and put these products on, and come out and tell us how they made us feel. I leaned over and asked my friend, (is this supposed to be for lesbians, because they KNOW WE ARE NOT, RIGHT?). She tells me its just for fun. They mix product show and tell along with games, for entertainment. One of the games required all of the women to write down phrases said during sex. Everyone put their papers in a pot, and then drew one out. When they called your number, you were supposed to stand up and shout out, with emotion, the words written on your paper. Initially I just stood in the corner, and refused to write anything. I finally jotted down, "oh shit! this is stupid and disgusting." referring to the game. The lady came and took my paper. When they handed them all back, I managed to get my own paper back, which made me chuckle. I ended up deciding this was no place for me, and I went outside and looked around her house and yard, admiring the beautiful tile in the driveway. If I hadn't brought the other ladies, I would have left as soon as I saw the products on the table. But I felt bad because I was the driver so I sat in the corner, just watching the others. In one chair was two lesbians. One had a teri cloth sort of wrap on, the kind of thing you wear over a bathing suit. Only this chick wasn't covering a bathing suit, she was butt naked underneath. She decided to spread her legs and give us all a view, and then stand up and bent over right in front of us, several times. As a nurse who had to go to labor and delivery for years, I have seen about 1000 more naked women than I ever wanted to, so I just shook my head. No one said anything. I sat there thinking I am nuts, as I am the only person apparentlybothered. Or so I thought. I started watching the sales lady and after closer examination she reminded me of this one particular prostitute I was aware of named Sherrie. At that point, I wanted to vomit and told my friend that I was leaving. Most of the people had gone by that point. My friend was thanking the host for inviting her and I noticed one of the other women go over to the chair that the britney wannabe was sitting in, and she sprayed lysol all over it and wiped it down. I think I would have opted to throw the damn chair away.

As I left the party, I accepted the fact that the world doesn't' believe in tupperware parties anymore. I picked up my kids and went home and made the decision that if I am ever invited for anymore "women get togethers" I think I will just pass. While I don't relish staying at home listening to my 12 year old son tell me excuse of the day, I would rather sit in my bed playing solitaire on my laptop.

I never thought the day would come when I would admit, I miss Mr. Rogers

Monday, January 21, 2008

Kids can drive you to drink, amongst other things..............

All three of my sons have drove me nuts today. My youngest, with the attention span of a fly, did everything but the things I told him he needed to do. I guess its my fault, because I should know better than to ask him to do anything when I am not right there to instruct, monitor and guide all along the way. He did manage to find time to talk to girls half the day on the telephone.

Second son joins everything he can possibly can, with our relationship being chauffeur and person being chauffeured. He thinks that because his activities are all at church, I should be happy and it should all be allowed. I am supposed to provide rides on Monday evenings, Wednesday afternoons and evenings, Thursday evenings, occasional Friday evenings, Saturday afternoons or evenings, and Sunday morning and afternoons. If I can't get him there, he will ride his bike, which should make me happy. However, the road to church is a major four lane thoroughfare, which crosses under a major toll road and the road where more pedestrians have been killed than any other street in Orlando. He comes home and tells me how he made the team for one more activity. Yippee............ arghhhhhhhh. I am happy for him, I just hate the thought of spending one more minute on that road going back and forth everyday. I should have been a cab driver.

The third son is the biggest PITA. He and his wife separated just before the holidays. I don't believe in divorce, but realize this was something doomed to happen from the beginning. I am not going to say anything about her, I will leave her to her mother, handling my son is enough. He is the epitome of immaturity. The father of four kids, yet he can't get off his butt and make a better life for those kids. He wants to, just doesn't have the wherewithall to get up off his rump and do something about it. He can come up with excuses just as quick as a five year old when they break something they weren't supposed to be touching. Tough love is such a hard thing to do. You don't want to see your kids or your grandkids go without. But giving them every penny you have doesn't change anything either, because they will lose, give away, or destroy anything you do give. If only he were 12 years old, I would go pick him up by the scruff of his shirt and beat his ass. There are so many guys his age (28-30) who can sit for hours and hours each day in front of the latest gimmick from Sony, any nintendo, play station, Wii, any game system in the world. Those things they can concentrate on. But leaving the house to apply for a better job, no way. They are crippled. Cleaning up their apartment? Well they can pick up all the empty drink cans and throw them into a trash bag in the corner, and wipe the food off the TV stand and get rid of all the pizza boxes, but they can't make their beds or wash their bathtubs out. While they can afford the games that cost a few hundred bucks, they will not splurge on an iron and ironing board, heaven forbid. My grandkids aren't into reading books, but they can beat all of their aunts and uncles in any mario brothers games. I don't think my son has any higher aspirations than working as a waiter at Red Lobster. After all, he doesn't need to own a house. He doesn't care if they never have real furniture-heck, all you need is a mattress on the floor in front of the TV/game system. He's not into the finer things like a real set of dishes for four people, or bath towels that don't have holes all through them. Who needs a washer and dryer? You can wait until get you get 20 loads, and then run to the laundromat and do it all together, just once a month. Kids don't really need socks, they can just wear sandals, after all, they live in Texas. You barely need even sandals out there most of the year. If they actually went outside they would need them to protect their feet from the heat of the pavement, but no, the kids don't like going outside. When they lived here, my oldest granddaughter became hysterical when I made her walk around the block with us. She was sure a big dog was going to come and get her.

Thank goodness my daughter and her wonderful husband are not the same way. Their daughter is as normal as I am (hehehehe). She already loves to be read to, and I am sure will read on her own soon (and will learn to say, "I know thats not my Nana, Mama, it's a banana"). She loves going to the park to play with other kids, climb monkey bars, and to go see the animals at the zoo. I don't think she will be owning any electronic games anytime soon, if ever. They had a really nice set of furniture before I ever did. Their house is generally cleaner than mine (although, these days, Mama may be a little busier with someone little to run around behind). There is no way their daughter would ever be running around with no clean clothes available.

I guess it all averages out, the kids who drive you crazy with the kids who put a smile on your face. God surely has a keen sense of humor and knows how to make one chuckle :)

Some of my favorite quotes about children/parenting:

It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller

You don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around - and why his parents will always wave back. ~William D. Tammeus

It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't. ~Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams

The beauty of "spacing" children many years apart lies in the fact that parents have time to learn the mistakes that were made with the older ones - which permits them to make exactly the opposite mistakes with the younger ones. ~Sydney J. Harris

Sing out loud in the car even, or especially, if it embarrasses your children. ~Marilyn Penland

You will always be your child's favorite toy. ~Vicki Lansky, Trouble-Free Travel with Children, 1991

There may be some doubt as to who are the best people to have charge of children, but there can be no doubt that parents are the worst. ~George Bernard Shaw

Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it. ~Jean Kerr

Labor Day is a glorious holiday because your child will be going back to school the next day. It would have been called Independence Day, but that name was already taken. ~Bill Dodds

Parents are not interested in justice; they are interested in quiet. ~Bill Cosby

If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says "keep away from children." ~Susan Savannah

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Go Giants!!

Little did I realize I was amongst traitors until I sat down to watch the New York Giants score an easy win over the Dallas Cowboys this afternoon. I am happy to report that the members of my household who were rooting for the 'boys are rather silent, as they do their chores this evening. Not that I would gloat or anything, but I just couldn't be happier this evening, thinking about the cowboys having to watch the superbowl from the privacy of their own homes :)

My feelings about the cowboys started such a long time ago, when I was a mere child growing up with my older irritating brother John. I would be happily sitting in the living room on the footstool watching either the Partridge Family or the Courtship of Eddie's Father, some nice little family show, and he would come running into the living room, tackling me onto the floor, shouting out the name of some dallas linebacker. You would never have caught me singing the virtues of the likes of some guy like Roger Staubach.

Years later, when I was forced to reside in the state of Texas thanks to the US Military, it just reinforced my hatred for the cowboys. The longer I lived there, the more the cowboys seemed to embody everything I didn't like about Texas. For a short while, I started to suffer a little loss of brain function and actually thought about "maybe" trying to be a fan, but then they fired Tom Landry and that thought never entered my brain again.

Tom Landry was one of the nicest men, of who I had good fortune to meet, once upon a time. I met him under unfortunate circumstances with the illness of his daughter, who succumbed to cancer at a very young age. It was such a tragedy.

Then between Jerry Jones and Jimmy Johnson, I learned to despise the cowboys even more. I lived in Dallas during the times that just about everybody on the team besides Troy and Emmitt were arrested. To me, Michael Irvin represented everything I did not like about the team. Occasionally some of the local radio stations would give away tickets to Texas stadium to see the cowboys and I would rush out to whatever intersection they were at to win a pair, just so we could go to the game, to boo the cowboys. I don't care who they played, it was great fun to stand in the stands full of fans and yell YOU SUCK DALLAS!!

At the time, I worked at Baylor University Medical Centers NICU, and the other nurses all loved the cowboys. They used to bring in cowboy material to make the beds of all the babies in the unit on the weekends they had games. I would scramble all over dallas to find material for whatever the team of the week was who was opposing them. I would have my two babies beds decorated with everything I could find for the other team.

Even though it was a long time ago, I still get a big smile whenver I see the cowboys lose. The topping on the cake today, was having them lose to the Giants. Who better to beat a Texas team than a New York team :)

So in addition to my blog tonight, I am sending big smiles to Cindy G, Fay, Patbo, Tina Wina, Gabby, and brother John :)

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Public Area Pet Peeves

After spending quite a few days out in public over the holidays, I've run into a few of my old favorite pet peeves. The things that people do in public that just make you wanna go crazy and say some stuff, you know you don't really have any right to say.

One of my least favorite things about being in crowded public places is the fact that so many people don't know how to get to hell out of the way. They are in the middle of a large walkway, but decide to stop on a dime, for no apparent reason, or perhaps to do something like just stand there and talk to whoever it is they are with, or better yet, to someone on their cell.

I went to Disney over the holidays, first with my daughter, and then with my friend from Texas and her adult son. With my daughter and I, we were just walking along, in a New York walking pace, trying to get through the crowds. With my friend, I was pushing her in a wheelchair through the crowds. Notoriously, people would stop dead in front of me and just stand there. First thing in the morning, my tolerance for their ignorance is pretty good. I have been known to say, "excuse me, excuse me, ummm excuse me" a number of times and then smile as I push my way through them. By the end of the day, I have zero tolerance. I limit myself to one very loud and New Yorkerese "EXCUSEEEEEEEEEEEEE MEEEEEEEE" at which point if they don't immediately move, I have no qualms about taking a baby stroller or a grocery cart, or a wheelchair and just ramming it into their heels as sharply as I can. I feel zero remorse or guilt. I don't care if they are five years old or fifty five years old. My children have told me I am mean as did my friends son. I admit it, I don't care. I really don't give a shit if I rip the skin off their heels. My belief is that if you are going to be in front of people and you need to stop, for any reason, then move to hell out of the way. I could not believe the people who walked right in front of my friends wheelchair to hurry up and get in front of her, just as I couldn't believe the people who when she was walking with her cane, hurried up to get in front of her, not caring if they knocked her down or not. It happens all of the time when I have my granddaughter in a stroller in the mall or the airport, anyplace public. I guess the nimrods don't realize the force of forward motion when someone jumps in front of them and comes to a complete halt. Matter doesn't stop on a dime, but apparently these people have never heard of or understand inertia. So in my sick little mind, if I am going to run into them anyhow, I may as well give a little extra umph, and push whatever I am commandering into them with a little extra force.

I must have gotten the ankles of at least ten unruly children whose parents were in outer space over the last two days. Which brings me to my second pet peeve: retarded parents who should not be breeding.

At one of the attractions, my friend and I were looking at the couple in front of us. Mom appeared to be mostly normal. Dad was definitely a chromosomal aberration of some sort. The three boys with them apparently received more of dads genetics than moms. They just had that "look" that most neonatal nurses are familiar with. We used to call it the 5P look. The piss-poor-protoplasm-poorly-put together. The kids who are born and we all know there's an extra allele or something or maybe Mom and Dad are relative, if you catch my drift. One of the boys of this family kept running around stepping on people, bumping into people, bumping into the walls, etc. At one point, he runs head on into the wall and strikes his forehead into a metal ornament on the wall, actually hard enough he could have spliced his forehead open. The parents never noticed. The kid staggers, trying to fight tears, holding the skin on his forehead together, looking like he probably had a pretty good concussion. Mom and Dad are looking around the walkway not paying attention to any of the kids. We next go up some stairs, which has a door blocking the downstairs, and chains and other items apparently set to block anyone from trying to go down the stairs or look over the banister. The same boy who hit his head, wants to look over the banister. So Dad the dumbass lifts him up, and hoists him over the barrier so he can look over and see whatever may be down there, that he apparently thought was worth the risk of killing his son should he drop him. Just amazing. As a former pediatric nurse, I know the kind of parent all to well. We used to deal with parents like this all the time, as we would shake our heads in disbelief at how stupid some people are.

My third pet peeve came around lunch time. At any of these amusement parks, its always the same thing. A bunch of little expensive food stands, selling burgers, fries, an occasional salad, different kinds of ice cream treats, and your stand bottles of water and soda. And why are the lines so long?????? Because dumb ass one and two at the head of the line can't make up their minds. The ones who could read the menu from fifty feet back in line and had 20 minutes or so to make up their minds before they ever hit the cashier, but no, they can't decide. Like all of a sudden the menu from Red Lobster is going to show up and they really will have a choice of more than a burger, hot dog and fries. THATS ALL THEY HAVE FOLKS. It's the menu for yesterday, its the menu for today and when you come back to Disney ten years from now, it will still be the menu. And if you havent' been able to make up your mind after 30 minutes in the line, go to the back of the line and let the next person order their food. These must be the same rejects who go to Mickey Dees or Burger King and sit there at the window for ten to fifteen minutes perusing the menu. Can anyone in america really not know the entire menu at a mcdonalds in this day and age? Kids may not know how to write their address, but they all know everything on the menu at mcdonalds.

My last pet peeve is probably my biggest, and that is people who bring small children to these large amusement parks, Disney, Universal Studios, Seaworld etc. None of these parks is for small children, none of them. Sorry Walt, but even magic kingdom is no place for a two year old to spend more than one to two hours. I typically feel zero pity for children, but this is one of my exceptions. These poor little babies do not need to spend 8-15 hours strapped in a stroller, in the hot sun, being pushed around an amusement park like they are. If you stood near the exits when people are leaving, you'll see all these pathetic little toddlers, strapped into strollers, almost always sunburned, crying or screaming. They are exhausted. So the parents have just spent a small fortune dragging these poor kids through this. For a family of four, its now over $300 a day to get in the park and get something to eat for one meal. Most of the day is spent waiting in long lines for rides, or in the bathroom line waiting to have a diaper changed. The rest of the time is spent passing out in the stroller from exhaustion, or waiting in a food line behind the retards who cant' decide between a cheeseburger or a chicken leg.

I want to conduct a study one day whereby people are photographed and interviewed at their entrance to the park, and then photographed and interviewed when they exit. The study needs to include all the money they spent for the day so when the results are tallied you can send the parents a report showing how much they paid to take their kid home at the end of the night screaming with "pleasure".