I can't believe six months has passed by since my last blog.
I just finished reading a blog from a former christian discussing why he doesn't pray anymore. He decided that this many years later, he just doesn't believe in "the big guy." So sad, for him anyway.
I think I have probably prayed more this year than any other year in my life, active prayer that is. I've prayed for the election. I've prayed for a close friend whose marriage has come to an end. I've prayed for my children: for the oldest to mature and be more responsible with his family, for my middle one who plans on seeking out her birth mother in less than a year, and then there is the prayer for my youngest. He is the one I pray for the most.
I imagine being 13 is a lot more complicated these days than it was in 1973. Our lives were so much easier. We went to school, came home and did chores, ate as a family at the dinner table, watched a TV show and went to bed. We didn't have 100's of TV channels to captivate us until the wee hours of the morning. We didn't have computers or IPODS and we damn sure didn't have cell phones. We went to school with the same kids from kindergarten until we graduated. Every once in awhile we would get a new student and everyone wanted to be the first one to make friends.
My 13 year old wrote a paper for his English class this week in which the theme was "Memoir". He wrote about the "worst years of his life". He talked about how many times he has changed schools, how many times he has had to start over making friends, trying out for teams, trying to fit in-somewhere. As I sat there reading it, was it any wonder he has progressively gotten into trouble at school and having problems fitting in? I never had to worry about being the new kid in school. I grew up with Ellen and Freddie and then added several other friends along the way. My best friend now is the same best friend I had in junior high school. We may not live near each other, but I know that, if I need her, she'll come.
As a former army wife, I moved just about every other year, and have left a "best friend" in just about every community I have ever lived in. Gabby in Thatcher, Arizona; Erma and Ann in Killeen; Denise, Gabby, Teri, Tina, Cindy, Pat and a bunch of others in Dallas; Kathy up in Maryland; Bill P who is now in NC. Since I've been here in Orlando, I've been able to make several close friends who I love dearly: Doreen, Pat, Lenny, Pam, Lisa, Kesha, Nesha, Isabel, and Beth. Then I have my internet friends: Linda in CA, Carol, Mia, Dani, Sandra, Diana, and Dale :)
And then there is Johnny :) He actually used to be my ex-husbands best friend. Man, for the first couple years, he used to drive me nuts. I would get so mad at him, I couldn't stand him. We are like night and day, polar opposites. At several points, we lived in the same house and actually got along. Before I knew it, Johnny grew on me, so much so, that I don't know how I would have made it over the years. He can always make me laugh. He knows how to comfort me when I need it. He knows how to calm me when I am in a rage. I think out of all of the friends I have had over the years, he is the one who truly "gets me". Who'd a thought :)
When I read about the man who stopped praying and didn't believe in God anymore, it just made me think about all of the friends God has givenme over the years. I don't believe that the people I have as friends were just coincidentally living in the same place as me. They are all angels in my eyes, heaven sent. Each one of them just seemed to be there when I needed someone. They showed up right on time in my life. I think they are all answered prayer. On so many nights when I didn't know what to pray for, I would pray to God for comfort, for love. Just to know that someone out there cared about me. And so he sent a friend.
At home, as a young teenager thrown away by my closest friends, God sent Debbie to pick me up off the ground. I don't even remember how it happened that we became such good friends, she just showed up when I needed a friend. When I got to Arizona, away from home for the first time, and feeling lonely, and definitely not fitting in with anyone, Gabby showed up out of nowhere. When I went to Germany, God sent Erma my way. We ended up buying houses together down the street from each other, and having kids at the same time.
When I think back now, when I lived in Dallas, I had so many wonderful friends, I was so lucky. I don't think it was mere coincidence that I had so many "best" friends all at one time, because little did I know, but I ended losing my marriage there. I fell so completely apart and lost my will to live, that it took a village of friends to bring me back to life.
God has continued his pattern of sending me the friends I need as I go along in life. How can I doubt the existence of God? How can I not pray? I think so many times we ask God for things and then we don't see them when He sends them. I didn't realize at the time, but every time I asked for comfort or asked for a sign that someone loved me, He sent his troops in in the guise of these wonderful angels. All I had to do was open my eyes to see answered prayer.
Its taken me these 48 years to realize the power of prayer. To all of my friends out there in the world, thanks for coming into my life and lifting me up. Thank you God, for sending them.
2 comments:
God has certainly blessed you with many friends through the years. I hope you find time to pray for the forgotten oldest middle child as well. ;)
"Oldest middle child?" I am trying to figure out if that means my first daughter, or second daughter :) Either way, I pray for all of my children, every day.
None of my children are forgotten. Especially the two in Texas. I think about calling one child in Dallas, in particular, on average at least 20 times a day. While I am driving and thinking about her, I want to hear her voice. It sends joy straight to my heart on the occasions she picks up the phone. Her voice is pure heaven to my old ears. When she doesn't pick up and it goes to voice mail, I pout thinking, she isn't going to be checking this email for hours or maybe not until tomorrow or over the weekend and she isn't even going to know I wanted to hear her voice.
Sometimes my day can go so wrong, but just hearing that precious voice brings me right out of that sad feeling.
sometimes the voice I hear is a little girl, needing her momma. I can tell she needs her mama's hug right then, or her mama's protection. Other times, I hear this grown woman on the other end of the phone, sounding so much like me, it makes me laugh. I hear that voice when she is dealing with stupid people or stupid rules. Its often a bad driver or a sucky customer service representative.
Sometimes I hear a young mother's voice, calling just for a moment of sanity as I hear a little toddler rambling through the house in the background. I know that voice. I know the feeling of thinking I am never going to have another adult conversation for the rest of my life, that my life is going to be spent either wiping someone's face or someone's butt. I know the exasperation of trying to keep a house clean, a child happy, content and and safe and having a husband who works long hours outside the home. I know the voice that lets you know you can love someone with all your heart, but yet still be mad at them for not coming right home, or falling asleep without helping with chores, or not being able to pick up after themselves.
I don't get to hear those voices nearly enough. I want to hear all of them, every day. Its comforting to me. Even if its not a good day, at least I know my little girl is still alive. When I hear the little girl in her voice, I know that my little girl still needs me. When I hear the grown woman in her voice, it makes me proud to have raised a daughter with a mind of her own, who also understands the futility of dealing with idiotic people. When I hear the young mother in her, it makes me smile and giggle to think about when I was that young mother and so needed to hear my mom's voice.
So even though someone may think that they are forgotten, that could never be true.
When you grow up my beautiful daughter and your daughter is off on her own, you will understand how she will never leave your thoughts, even for a day.
I love you honey bunny, my little mama bear x2.
Gramma Bear :)
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